RN

I've been reading sad stories lately.
About dead moms and dying children.
Carrying these tragic tales with me
as I walk the hospital halls in my scrubs
my badge hanging next to my stethoscope
identifying me as "RN."

Perhaps it's only an attempt
to make these sick kids seem normal-
like everyone has a central line
taped to their chest
puncturing their subclavian
and a white blood cell count of one.

But the need for IV ceftriaxone and clindamycin,
like clubbing of the fingernails or circumoral cyanosis,
is not normal.
Not everyone has a tearful tale to tell
or steri-strips holding their insides in.

And that's when you realize
not everybody gives deadly drugs for a living
puts medication straight into a child's heart
monitors their response
takes the temperature
answers the questions
pages the doctors
charts every detail
and still manages to bring the apple juice with a smile on her face
and look forward to tomorrow.

Interns.

OMG, interns.... Seriously? Seriously?

Alright, so there's a reason we have nurses. How about to make sure that the diabetic with blood sugars over 300 get more than 2 (yes, TWO) units of insulin?

Or to make sure the RT doesn't turn down the O2 on the kiddo whose saturations may be >93% but is still tachypneic, retracting, grunting AND nasal flaring?

Or how about to take care of all the ortho and surgical kids that you guys don't know a thing about and have no idea how to care for.

ugh. So, my little intern friends please give me a little respect and don't let the door hit your BIG HUGE EGO on the way out of the patient's room (where you have been for all of 5 minutes treating the patient condescendingly and flippantly the entire time).

But I will say this. We have some pretty kick ass third years around and they were interns once too. And some of our interns ain't half bad. We'll see how they turn out in the years to come.

Remembering Moving Day.

Now that Orange County has begun to feel like home. Understanding the lay of the land from Seal Beach to South County. Having driven from San Diego and San Clemente up the coast through Ventura and on to Santa Barbara. Having seen the hot bodies at Malibu and the surfers at Huntington Beach. Drinking Fat Tire on the Newport pier as we watch the seals and dolphins in the waves offshore. Now that the West Coast has replaced the midwest as my home I can think back on moving day...

Goodness, now that I've left.

It was hard to leave my parents- standing in that gravel driveway that gave me so many skinned knees growing up.

And now I've grown. Driving along the clear, cold, rushing streams of the Rockies as we head up to the pass and then down the Western side. Farther and further away now. Farther as in physical distance away from. Further as in advancement, to a greater degree.

I've driven these mountain passes before, seen the San Juans in morning and twilight. Seen the Rockies ragged edges level off into the Colorado Plateau, invert into Utah's Canyonlands.

I've driven these distances but never before as a resident of nowhere but here. All my belongings behind me, packed in the back of this rented moving truck.

I have fulfilled this odd dream of moving out of Minnesota. I've left. You won't find me on afternoon runs along the Mississippi or at any of my old haunts. I won't be walking the Washington Avenue bridge between classes or cruising the 16 to my Midway apartment. Leaving friends behind with a lump in my throat knowing that we'll grow apart. I am on my way to palm tree dotted Southern California. Dive bars yet to be discovered, runs on the beach yet to be mapped out, friendships yet to be realized.

So for now I am a resident of this UHaul 14' Thrifty Mover. A resident of four states in three days. I've seen the beautiful July rain and traffic snarls of summer road work in my Midwestern home state. I've heard the thunder rumble across the magnificently clouded sky above the Iowa plains. Trees dipping their roots into rivers like children touching their toes to cold creek beds. I've seen lightning bugs swirl and sparkle along the highway at dusk, misty morning lifting over barns and cornfields. The beauty of a summer sunrise in the middle west.

We've hurried through Nebraska and Eastern Colorado where the only radio stations are Christian country and herds of cows huddle in the shade of one lone tree. Where the interstate cuts through towns of $39 dollar a night motels and bars with only budweiser on tap. And now we are next to these streams after taking a wrong turn outside of Boulder. We will drive through Moab and Monument Valley, see Vegas rise from the desert in a flurry of sand and neon and billboards for adult superstores and Cirque du Soleil.

South through San Bernardino and into the mingle of smog and ocean air that forms the atmosphere over LA and Orange counties.

Spring Break Oh Nine

Alright so Spring Break Oh Nine was OFF DA HOOK!!

Okay, I know it's lame and you're not supposed to talk about spring break once the college years are done but seriously--I happened to have a week off. It started innocently enough with dinner out with friends at Honda Ya- the seriously delicious Japanese place near our apartment. The Kirin flowed and the Albacore Tataki, edamame, and ramen bowls just showed up at the table.

This was almost a three figure meal bill- uh-oh, I'm thinking, this will not be a cheap week off.

Of course, after dinner we need to go home and drink Belvedere and tonics.

Uh-oh, I'm thinking, this will not be a completely sober week off.

And then my super crazy fun sister in the eyes of the law comes to town. And it's going to be St. Patrick's day- the BIG night- and we're going to tag along to celebrate in Santa Barbara.

Uh-huh, I'm thinking, this will be a completely awesome week off.

And Spring Break 09 was born. And culminated in a completely wonderful 48 hours in Santa Barbara. We went drinking and had awesome Gorgonzola cheese dip. We took our dog to the bar. We paralyzed our backs sleeping two nights in a camper van parked on the street. We had the most delicious toasted bagels and coffee. We drove the winding roads (Gibraltar??) up to the space ship to crazy beautiful views of SB and the ocean and smelled our car's brakes for the first time as we had to ride them coming down the mountain. We took Sisu to a gorgeous dog beach where she got to run free and chase sandpipers. And then we dressed up in all the gregarious green gear we could find and went to celebrate with too much Guinness and too many Irish car bombs at Old King's Road. Mandy spilled, of course, and hopefully didn't destroy her $900 Sex In The City Manolo Blahniks. The husband and I flirted with each other and others. We drank and danced. We went to a club that was 100% unlike me to go to and therefore sort of fun. And then at the end of the night we walked goodness knows how many blocks back to our van for more back breaking sleep.

Goodness it was a completely fabulous night to top off a completely fabulous week off.

And today was back to work. And my patients were pretty good all in all. And I had a stack of three- uno dos tres- eins zwei drei- pins waiting for me in my mailbox (these pins are the thank yous from families and co-workers- two of mine were the highly coveted thank-yous from patients and family). And the day went by and things got done and I was refreshed by a week off full of family and friends and fun.

I feel sorry for all you poor 9-5ers who hardly ever get long weekends or weeks off just 'cause. It's very refreshing and I highly recommend it. Do yourself a favor- take a week off and get to know what a fun person you were BEFORE you totally became an adult.

talking undergarment

To the lady talking to the bras at Target...they neither speak nor understand English so your breath is wasted on them.

Also, you're creeping me out. 

In other news I've exercised TWICE this week. But pretty much think that any good I've done for myself has been undone by the amount of thin mints I've consumed in the past couple days. Each box is two individually wrapped servings, right? A tube for me, a tube for you.

One day I'll write about those girl scout days. But for now, I'll keep those childhood stories to myself. 

two on-one off-two on

Why did I schedule myself this way? two on, one off, two on?? And the day I had on Friday??? YUCK! Thankfully some wonderful co-workers helped me out. Don't know where I'd be without them.

And now after one wonderful day off it's time to go back. It'll be Sunday so I'm hoping for a better day (even if I just don't have to give report to a float nurse it'll be better than the day with two procedures and the on again off again blood transfusion).

Right now I'm wishing I was one of those people who could call in sick when I'm not. But you know, I'm just not one of those people.

keeps me on my toes...

"Keeps me on my toes...where does the time go?"

Shifts have me askin' that lately. LIFE has me askin' that lately. I have had some loooong shifts lately. Some difficult and heavy assignments. I'm still in that early phase where I don't really know what an appropriate assignment is, I've had those borderline ones. And I can't keep my head up enough on some days to realize if everyone has a heavy assignment or if I'm the only one struggling to keep ahead of things.

My assignment on Thursday was one of those. Full of procedures and orders coming at me from every direction. Had some demanding family members.

Never really know how to react to them. Yes, your child is the most important patient here. Unforunately, I have three other sets of parents who also feel the same way. And at this moment, this moment as I take care of your child, your child is the most important patient to me. But in a few moments, I will be taking care of a different child. A different child. A different child. .

I don't know. I just don't know. Some days are so difficult. Some days the shit don't stop. And some days I feel like, as a nurse, as a NEW nurse, as an educated, licensed professional, I deserve a better day. At least one better day. But then, then I think, is that even fair? Thinking that for some reason I deserve better? Better than who? Better than what??

So far I've made it through every difficult day that they've thrown at me. So far. Will I continue to make it through every day? Will my patients? Oh my goodness. I've found some nurses though that I greatly admire. For their technical skills, their attitude, their experience, their resilience. For their knowledge, their caring, their tenderness, their time management. For just knowing that they will get through every day. For their ability to constantly reprioritize and reorganize and edit their to-do lists. Some day I will be like one of those nurses. Some day I will be like one of those nurses. Anyway....

Today was a day that was alright though. And tomorrow I'm hoping for an LCD. Which isn't going to happen but a gal can hope. Right?? A gal can hope...

"keeps me on my toes...where does the time go?"