the edge

"The edge- there is no honest way to explain it, because the only ones who know where it is are the ones who have gone over." Hunter S. Thompson

I've been thinking about the edge lately. Thinking about where it is within myself. For so long I was "about to be." About to be a nurse, about to be done with school, about to be a wife, about to own a dog, about to live in California.

Well...now I'm a married, working as a nurse in CA, no longer going to school and owning the hell out of one lucky pup. I'm not about to be anything (that I know of). I just am.

Wondering what the next edge will be. Will it be something within me? Will it be somewhere I go, somewhere I end up? Am I far from home or is home far from me? Running away or towards? I had all these big plans regarding traveling, working, volunteering abroad. And now here I am...thinking about trying to belong, thinking about making a home, thinking about what I thought I would've done.

All the while I try to be productive in my days off and do anything besides go to Disneyland, pet my dog, take baths, and go to work once in a while. Yoga, books, walks on the beach those are the goals. Starting with the yoga practice last night and those three pages per day of Infinite Jest (it will come as no surprise that I am already behind on that).